I had been seeing a pattern form in my small and wimpy contractions yesterday...every 20 minutes for two hours, then every 15 for an hour, then every 10 for an hour and I thought to myself this is funny. Maybe I will be calling my doula if this continues for another hour, or if they get stronger, but like I already mentioned, they stopped. I was going to bed and forgot to put the post together from yesterday so I slapped some pics up and laid down. I did not wake up for a whole 5 hours. I usually wake up every 2 or so. I was very thirsty so I ended up drinking a whole glass of water, went back to bed and woke up 3 hours later.
Despite getting great sleep last night, I woke up feeling blah. The reality of having this baby has hit me hard. Only a couple things left on my to do list to keep me occupied and I may have to find some other tasks. I have been going through some songs this morning, trying to find one that will help me sort out this extreme tugging of emotions. On one hand, the sheer excitement and fullness of joy at meeting this little boy, created, designed, and nourished within me. The anticipation of seeing him, holding him, being gently placed in our family, daily surrounded by love from his parents and siblings. And on the other hand, the utter fear of my husband not making it in time for the birth. The paralyzing fear of going to the hospital without him. What if I can't birth him and have to have another cesarean. The not knowing. None of my fears I can control. So how do you let them go and trust that all will be as it is meant to be?
I know the logical answers. I know what my faith tells me. But how do you walk it out, step by step? I guess you just put one foot in front of the other. Take it moment by moment right?
Here are a few moments from our day. The seemingly boring but one step closer to greeting Heafer baby #4...
*****
We actually got dressed after breakfast today. Caleb has had a stuffy nose for the past few days and is also tired today. So we had another easy day of school. Our biggest accomplishment today in that department is we finished this chapter book:
It was hiding under my bed.
Plus, I really wanted to clean/organize the Master bedroom. It had become the drop zone.
I sorted the donate/consign piles and they are ready to go.
Organized the dvd's that were embarrassingly stacked caseless 6 inches high. All but a few orphans found their snug little home and are resting comfortably in the dvd bin.
And I finally fixed my craving for a reuben sandwich. On the way home, we stopped by our city park to see how the progress is coming along with the new playground:
With a little more laundry done, feeding everyone a few times, and more cleaning of my room we have had another day waiting for baby brother and daddy.
Oh, and I have the hat portion of the turtle project done
Now to play with my yarn and figure out my sizing for the other half of the turtle project while we watch a movie that had previously been buried at the bottom of the dvd bin.
And just when I was about to publish this Grace informed me I needed to come take a picture:
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